I really.... Can't take it anymore longer.

Everyday I motivate myself, everyday I tell myself I can do it. I try to stay positive. But one day my self motivation will come to an end too.

As the days gets nearer and nearer to may, mixed feelings. Should I be happy coz hols are nearing, or should I be scared coz exams are coming.

So sick of the routine everyday, wake up jog head to lib whole day till it close and then back home sleep and it's just another day. What's wkends? Idk coz it's just yet another day for me to bury myself in the books.

Everyday is just the same.
I just need to see some light.
What have I done to deserve this.....
I can't handle.

Came home saw mum and the first thing I said was 'mummy.... 我快不行了..' And teared. Or rather, cried. She got so scared and shocked and asked 'WHY WHAT HAPPENED?!'

I guess am seldom like this that's why she got all worked up and thought sth serious happened. Well... This is serious enough right? Idk if I should be happy she leaves me to handle my studies on my own. And I don't really like to talk to her bout stuffs like this, partly she don't uds my pain, but also coz I don't want her to worry.

I don't need anyone's comfort words, coz I can really predict what everybody has to say, I mean, just that same old few words which I can tell myself too. I just like acting a strong front. Sorry am just stubborn...

Just need to vent. You can leave me alone. Coz at the end of the day I know this has to go on too, it's my life I need to continue living it. I know, everybody has their own struggles. It's how you handle them. I can't say mine is the worst, there are millions out there x10 worse. But right now, just let me complain.

Pls, let some hope fall upon me.
I really, am on that maximum verge alr.